After being released from the hospital, January 30, 2015, after a 35 day stay at the hospital, I was apprehensive about losing the 24 hour care. In addition, I live 2 hours away from the hospital. Needless to say, this was a stressful point in my life.
I left that beautiful January day, in pain with tubes still attached to my abdomen. When I arrived at my house, it was as if it had been locked in a time capsule. My family left the Christmas tree up, and my bedroom still sported the clothes I removed the day I got ill. It was surreal.
I spent the better part of 2 weeks on the sofa, and returning to my surgeon for follow up visits. Thankfully, those lovely tubes were removed and I celebrated through the pain.
I dabbled a little with work the last few days of February, when the pain was not overwhelming. I did this because it was what I was used to doing. I felt an internal pressure to return to my hectic, crazy busy life. By mid-March, I was starting to get back to work on a slow but steady pace. I actually listened to my doctors at this point.
Bam! March 31st, a dear friend – who was helping in my transition passed away suddenly. Another reminder to us all, life is precious.
At that moment, as a way to deal with the pain of losing my friend, my physical pain from the surgery and recovery, and partially because I felt the weight of my work pressing on me – I returned to working at double stubborn speed. This resulted in my return to the hospital several times for internal bleeding, and severe weight loss. I was unable to digest food, and got down to the lovely (not so lovely) weight of 87 pounds. I continued working. I continued being hospitalized. I continued to stress out my family and friends. I’d be released from the hospital and go right back at it the next day. I carried bags and banners that weighted 50+ pounds. Not wise, by any means, but I carried on. During this time, I continued to win awards, and outperform my peers. I’ve included a skinny picture below, as I was being presented an award.
I discovered something about myself. Not a real shocker, but I am competitive. Working in commission sales, and being in management amplifies this spirit in me. I also use work to ignore pain, physical/emotional and exhaustion. There ought to be a special program for that! Can anyone else relate?
2015 was a year of winning for me, vocationally – and for that I am extremely proud. It was eventually discovered that I needed to take special pancreatic enzymes in order to digest food, so I slowly began to put some weight back on and get my health on track by the end of the year. I am still working on the weight part.
I closed out the year strong with work, weak physically. That is how my 2015 went. I am proud of my accomplishments, but sometimes question the cost.
Somehow, my working hard helped me heal. My over-achieving kept me going. The awards inspired me.
2015 will be a year I look back on and remember fondly, mostly because I survived it. I actually thrived throughout it all.
What I did miss out on, is my true passion. My passion for writing. I pushed that onto the back burner. I was so busy with work, that I didn’t listen to that little voice reminding me that I need to do this for me.
God has plans for me, even if I am stubborn! Even if I don’t listen to the still small voice to slow down. And the even louder voices of the medical community and my wonderful friends.
I planned to step away from my management position the end of 2015, but as plans sometimes go… that did not happen.
I want to note here, that God is so good to me. Me, the one who does not listen to that still small voice. The one who ignores the prompting. God is patient. Very patient.
Hello and welcome to my website and blog. My life’s purpose is to comfort women, and provide a beacon of positivity as we travel together through this crazy thing called life! I have been through my share of rides on this roller coaster – and will share insight and my story along the way. I am first, and foremost – a Christian woman. I am also a wife and mother of an adult son. I consider myself a survivor on multiple levels.
I will post blogs a minimum of twice a week, with my eventual aim being a post each weekday. I look forward to relaxing and having a comforting cup of coffee or tea with you as we dive in.
My very best,
(photo coming soon)